It’s been just over one month since my book launched. One month since this passion project of mine was out there for the world to see. One month since I had to learn even more new skills, like how to market a book (still learning by the way, yikes).
In the past month my emotions have run the gamut. I’ve been incredibly proud of myself, grateful for my family and friends. I’ve been insecure about asking people to buy the book or post reviews. Mortified when I stopped to think about the fact that someone one day will read the book and absolutely hate it. Suspicious that when people tell me they like the book it’s just lip service. Thrilled when people tell me they like that book and that something I wrote brought enjoyment to someone else’s day.
But really, the best way I can describe the last month is to say that it has been a daily struggle with impostor syndrome, which our friend Wikipedia defines as such:
“Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud". The term was coined in 1978 by clinical psychologists Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes. Despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. While early research focused on the prevalence among high-achieving women, impostor syndrome has been found to affect both men and women, in roughly equal numbers.”
Talk about a window into my soul!
One of my friends challenged me to write lists of all the good things that have happened since I published the book and all of the accomplishments that I’ve had since I published the book and two dwell on those things. At first it was hard for me to even get the lists started, but once I did things just kept flowing, and I have to say they have really helped. There’s something to seeing how long the lists can get, especially when focused on gratitude. I have so many things to be grateful for, I don’t think any number of lists could ever encapsulate them all.
One source of gratitude that stands out was the book launch party that my friend Sara organized for me. It was well attended and full of warmth and good spirit. Sara gave a lovely toast, and I even said a few words (which I don’t really remember) and I had a lot of fun seeing people from all walks of my life and signing book after book. I still can’t believe how many people came out for it. ABUNDANCE OF GRATITUDE.
After the party, I actually was so overwhelmed it felt like my whole life was buzzing. I got home and just kind of melted into the couch. The next day at work I didn’t feel 100% and left early. By the time I got home I had a raging fever and had to take the following day off of work. For 24 hours I barely moved. It was like the momentum of the past month, the progression of the last seven years, everything that came into bringing The Cube into the world had culminated at that party and my body was just like - “yep, I’m done!”
The good news is that it only took me a day to rest and release and I’ve been slowly getting back into planning next steps. The bad news is… well, there is no bad news. If that’s what my body had to go through to process this moment in my life, then c’est la vie.
Since I have been so diligent about documenting this journey, I just felt like it was important for people to know about this part of it. The after the part. The part where you can’t believe it happened, you can’t believe there’s still so much to do, the part where you get paralyzed by trying to define what your goal actual is (Do I want to sell 1,000 books? Speak at 100 events? Get 100 reviews? Get into 100 book stores?) until you realize that at some point you just have to STOP and enjoy it. Appreciate it. Revel in it a little bit. As hard as that can be with impostor syndrome being a real and vicious reality, it is important to acknowledge that your dream happened and that YOU were the one that made it happen.
So, that’s where I am folks. Navigating this new space. Pushing myself to figure out how I feel and want I want to do next. And, of course, pushing myself to keep writing. Because ultimately, that’s what it’s actually all about.
Thanks as always for following along with me. I do have a few events coming up that I’m excited about, so check those out. And if you do buy the book, let me know. And thank you.