I’m about to get real folks. Because at the moment it’s the only thing I can do. Because I want to keep writing but I also want to be honest that sometimes it’s hard. And sometimes I honestly can’t. 

When I started this blog, I wanted to be open and honest about my writing experience, but I didn’t want to bitch or moan. I didn’t want to focus on the negative. I wanted to be vulnerable, but not pessimistic.

So, on the many times that I’ve started a blog about how hard it is to break into the publishing industry or my fears over never being able to write a good enough query letter or my jealously over people who have managed to break through, I’ve taken a step back and thought about whether or not those feelings were deep-rooted or fleeting. And whether or not that was what I wanted to put out into the world.

And the answer has always been no. Because that’s not me.

Those are glimmers of my humanity for sure. But, day-to-day I’m an optimist. I always tell my daughter, “there’s always a solution.” So on my best days when I think I might not get picked up by an agent I start thinking about hybrid-publishing. When I start worrying about my query letter I turn to the gratitude for all the people that have helped me with it. When I see new authors have their book birthdays, I am genuinely happy and excited for them and think, “if they can do it so can I.” 

That’s me. 

But what is also me is this: I suffer from periodic depression and anxiety. Depression and anxiety intense enough to make even my gratitude-driven outlook on life utterly exhausting. 

It is important to note: I’m lucky. My depression and anxiety are not every day. It’s not all the time. But, when it comes, it usually last for weeks. And when it’s bad, it’s really bad. 

For the past few weeks I’ve been going through one of these periods and it’s been tough. You may be asking yourself, ‘why are you confessing this on a writing blog?’ 

The simple answer is because it is affecting my writing and I made a promise to share my writing experiences with you. And I don’t view this as being negative and I’m certainly not complaining. 

Let’s face it. It’s hard enough to write, but it seems next to impossible to do when it takes all your energy just to put your pants on in the morning. Let alone to be a good mom and wife and to try and keep up with the laundry. Oh, and yes, the transition to a new job that is forthcoming. 

I have been gifted time right now. Down time in between jobs. To deal with myself. To regroup and recharge. I was hoping I’d used the time to jump head first back into writing. To work on my next book and to continue pitching my first book. But honestly guys, it ain’t that easy. 

So, here’s what I can tell you. 

I can do the familiar stuff. Writing #WritersQuick5 brings me a lot of joy. It’s familiar and it’s fun and I look forward to it. 

Soliciting new writers for #WritersQuick5 though can tug at my soul. I don’t like asking people for things. And I don’t like feeling like a sales person. Getting new writers takes a lot of energy from me. But, I’ve deemed it 100% worth it because I love #WritersQuick5. I’ve learned so much and have been touched but everyone’s answers. It’s a true blessing. And for me, at this moment, I’m thankful I have a few more writers lined up for a few weeks out. But after that? It will take all my energy to track down more. I just have to have faith that my gumption and sense of self-worth will be back up to normal levels to be able to tackle that. Because it IS worth it.

Writing Amache’s America is a true joy. I am familiar with the platform. I love the characters. And it’s low key. Because I’m not thinking about getting it published (at the moment) it is all very organic. I’m trusting my instincts. I’m writing what feels good. And, the people that do read it seem to love it. It’s a safe place. 

Editing my query letter for The Cube is a trigger. There is too much hope and destiny packed into those few paragraphs. Every time I think I’ve nailed it, I get feedback that one line just doesn’t work or that I still need to flush something out. It’s gotten to the point where I 100% know I’ve had TOO many people look at it and I’ve thought about it TOO much to the point where it may not work at all. 

But that may just be an excuse for the fact that sending a query letter out and getting the right agent at the right time seems like catching lightning in a bottle. And again, I’m having trouble summoning up the energy to get dressed. 

And then there are the suggested edits to the book itself. The book that I love, that I consider to be done. There are ways to make it better for sure, but I also just want someone to read the whole damn thing to know that it’s a complete story and not just the first five pages. 

A couple of my friends have suggested I do a Kickstarter to help get momentum going and get my book into the world to move on. But, when your depression and anxiety have you questioning your own self-worth, do you know what’s impossible to believe? That anyone will want to participate in your self-indulgent Kickstarter. 

Reading is a safe place. I’ve read many books this month and reading has made me feel more like myself again. Curling up with a blanket and a book is the closest thing to breathing for me. It gives me life. But, in times like these, it also makes me sad. Because I want someone to read my books too.

SO, where does that leave me?

Well first, I know this current bout of depression and anxiety will pass. Because it always does. And if it doesn’t, again, I am lucky. I have a therapist I trust and a husband that loves and supports me and the unconditional love of my kid and we will figure it out. The fog was already starting to lift and earlier this week and I had a couple days of playing tourist in my own city followed by a couple days of getting a lot done before I slipped back into the darkness yesterday. I need to remember that there will be good days and bad days and that eventually the good will outweigh the bad and I’ll be back on track. 

And second, that I need to listen to myself. I have a tattoo on my right arm that says, “choose grace”. It’s a reminder to myself to always give others the benefit of the doubt, but also to give myself the benefit of the doubt too. That even in the darkest of hours, the sunrise is still on its way. 

And third, that while internal pressure to keep to my dreams and my goals is good. And forward momentum is good. And working hard to realize a life ambition is good. It will do me no good if I harm myself in the process. 

So day-by-day I will do what I can. And then I’ll lie down if I have to. And then I’ll get up and do a little more. And that, if anything, the fact that I had the energy to write this blog post today is a great sign. Even if part of me is dreading the idea that no one may read it, a bigger part of me is just thrilled to be writing about writing again. A few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have been able to put these thoughts into words. Healing is a beautiful thing. 

And ultimately writing is a paradox. Because this blog post isn’t for anyone else but me but simultaneously if just one person reads this and gives themselves some grace that sometimes a person just cannot write every damn day, then that’s a good thing too. 

Here’s what I believe: at the end of the day, even though writing seems like the most solitary of experiences, in reality writing is what binds us together. It gives us the connective tissue of the shared human experience. And deep down I know that we are all in this together. Even if I feel alone. Even if that’s hard for me to imagine. Reading and writing will get me through. And I will do my best to give myself grace until my inner light shines bright again. 

Welcome to week thirty-two of the #WritersQuick5 series - where we learn about writing from fellow writers.

This week I am so thrilled and honored to jump back into the world of songwriting with the incredible Schuyler Miller. While primarily a songwriter, Schuyler writes poetry and short stories as well. Along with writing her own music, Schuyler does a lot of songwriting with/for other artists, as well as for licensing and placement opportunities (commercials, TV shows, movies, etc). 

Be on the lookout for more from Schuyler soon too. She’s currently working on her own solo projects and her debut EP will be released in January 2018. YAY!

Let’s see what Schuyler has to say… 

Question #1 - Where do you write and why do you write there?
I write wherever I am. Generally, I carry around a journal with me wherever I go so that I can write things down when the ideas strike. I don't really trust technology - I prefer good old pencil and paper. Oddly enough, I have a lot of ideas come to me in dreams, so there are quite a few late-night notes scribbled on pieces of paper floating around my bed. The first song I ever wrote came to me in a dream. When I woke up, I remembered the first line and ended up writing the rest of the song that day. Recently, the title of short story came to me mid-slumber and I literally jolted out of bed at 3:30 am and wrote the whole thing.

Question #2 - What is unique about writing for your particular genre?
I think that songwriting is such a beautiful, magical thing. I write for all different genres of music, but I feel like there's always something in there that you could trace back to me. I work with a lot of different songwriters and it's always so interesting to see people's styles come out in their songs. Little things that make you go "Oh! That's definitely so-and-so's melody."

Question #3 - What are some of your grammar or punctuation pet peeves?
When it comes to writing lyrics, or poetry, I think you can pretty much do whatever the hell you want. That's part of the fun. But I definitely get annoyed by grammatical/punctuation errors when I'm reading an article or a novel. Maybe I should be more understanding.

Question #4 - At what point in your writing process do you start to bring other people in to review your work?
​I used to be so hesitant to let people hear my songs, because I held them so close to my heart. I was very much of the mindset that everything I wrote was special and came through me and onto the page for a reason, and I didn't want anyone to tell me otherwise. To some extent, I still feel that way but I'm much more open to sharing my work now. My songs are my art; my way of expressing myself and working things out emotionally, so it can be difficult to hand that over to someone and say "Here, what do you think of this?" and open yourself up to criticism. But I think that ultimately, it makes you a better writer when you can take critiques of your work and go back and revise what you've done. Because at the end of the day, even though my songs are very special to me and I ultimately want to be the one that curates the end result, I can still recognize the fact that I want them to be accessible to other people. They're my thoughts and my words, but if you can't connect to others through those words then you don't have much. So these days, I share my songs pretty early on in the writing process. I have a lot of people around me whose opinions I respect and trust, so it's great to be able to get that feedback.

Question #5 - What advice would you give to a new writer about the writing process?
As corny and cliche as it sounds, I'd say "Be true to yourself". It's so easy to get caught up in things and compare yourself in a negative way to other people that are doing similar things, but you have to remember that you're the only "you" there is, and your voice is worth hearing. Also, it's okay to be shitty at stuff sometimes. You gotta be willing to trudge your way through the shit if you wanna get to the good stuff.

Thank you Schuyler for these incredible answers. I had my idea for my novel, The Cube, in a dream just like your songs! And I LOVE your advice: remember that you’re the only “you” there is, and your voice is worth hearing. Gosh that’s great. Love love love. 

Be sure to follow Schuyler on Instagram and on Twitter and stay tuned for January 2018 when her debut EP is released!

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If you would like to be featured as a writer in the #WritersQuick5 series, please just reach out and let me know. I’d love to promote your work as well!

For updates on #WritersQuick5 and other info from me, please follow me on Twitter or check back with this blog for all the latest.

Welcome to week thirty-one of the #WritersQuick5 series - where we learn about writing from fellow writers.

And we’re back! 

After a few weeks of summer break I could not be more thrilled to be back and to be sharing out more of this #WritersQuick5 series. 

I am particularly honored and excited that our first writer back is none other than my dear friend Melissa Joan Walker. I’ve known Melissa and her family for many years; we’ve shared amazing life adventures together. She is an incredible writer and I’m so stoked for you all to get to know her better. 

Melissa is primarily an essayist now, but she’s published fiction and poetry, too. Her writing has been published on The Manifest-Station and Modern Simplicity; and in Sentence; Chicago Arts Journal; The Denver Quarterly; Banshee; Parable Press; Yes, Poetry; the NewerYork; After Hours; Orion Headless; Ignavia; Wunderkammer Poetry; Disembodied Text; Words & Images; Split Rock Review; Telophase; and Tablet. 

Isn’t she amazing? She also has an MFA in Writing from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago and you can read more of her current essays on her blog... and subscribe!

Let’s see what Melissa has to say… 

Question #1 - Where do you write and why do you write there?
I get up super early and write in a corner on my sofa in the living room. I like that I can sit here as long as I want, and I don't have to pay for coffee or worry about my computer when I get up to use the restroom. I can choose the music. I usually start with one song that I play to begin my day. 

Question #2 - What is unique about writing for your particular genre?
Essay is interesting, and especially my subject area, which is spirituality, because it's so personal. Cheryl Strayed talked about this with Wild, how the criticism of personal essay or memoir is often not about the writing but about YOU, the author -- critiquing your choices, your outlook. 

I find with my subject area people hold such personal ideas about spirituality, God, the Universe and it's often critical to their identity, so they are offended more easily than they would be if I just was writing fiction they didn't like. But I love talking about things that are important to me, and are really critical for most of us -- these questions of how do we get through the day spiritually intact with all the craziness in the world? How do we stay open and engaged with the world, without letting it overwhelm us?

Question #3 - What are some of your grammar or punctuation pet peeves?
This is a hard question for me to answer. The truth is I get turned off when I see grammar and spelling errors online, ones that seem out of sync with the author's image online. So, if they're an "expert" in a particular area, but they have these grammar issues, I am not so sure about their other expertise either. 

But the issue of "correct grammar" is often an issue of privilege. I am not talking about choices that are intrinsic to the voice. There are some authors I love who use a different grammar system from the one we were taught in school. I'm just talking about carelessness. 

Because we can publish ourselves online, I see a lot of carelessness in email newsletters and on personal websites. If I see that, I just bail because it cuts through the author's credibility for me. I certainly make mistakes, too, but I don't blame people if they question me for it. Usually it's an issue of me not proofreading carefully enough.

Question #4 - At what point in your writing process do you start to bring other people in to review your work?
​It depends. I sometimes bring people in very early but then I often just need a cheerleader for the project, so I'll be very clear and just say "Can I show you this piece and you'll only tell me good things about it?" If I get the feeling they won't be able to do that, I take it to someone else. I have enough experience with feedback to know that much of it is just based on personal preference, so I try to take the piece to someone who is a reader I'd want. So, if someone really loves sci-fi and I hate sci-fi, I wouldn't ask them for feedback on my fiction. 

In the essays I'm doing now, I show them to one particular person when I've done the first draft, especially if I see a problem in the piece and I'm not sure how to fix it. It helps to have someone else read the piece and then in the brief discussion that follows, I often get a clearer idea of how to fix my problem. 

Question #5 - What advice would you give to a new writer about the writing process?
I'd say to start submitting and publishing as early as possible. I was really shy about this in the beginning but I wish I'd been bolder. I did an internship at a publishing company in college and they passed on a book that I KNOW all of my friends would have bought. So that helped me see that these decision makers have their own tastes and they make decisions for all kinds of reasons, and they also make mistakes. They're not God. 

So go ahead and start submitting. You'll get a lot of rejections, but even the rejections feel like evidence that someone has read your writing, you're a "real writer" now -- you're submitting and well, yes, maybe getting rejected, but you're learning about the process and you're participating in the full process. As you start to get some publications, you'll develop more confidence and this will help you gain momentum in your writing. 

If you don't submit, you can be sure you won't get published. And just keep at it. I read a long time ago that a successful writer is just someone who didn't quit. That helped me.


YES! I love this advice. Submit your work! Let other people see it. I love the idea that a successful writer is just someone who didn’t quit. I needed to hear that!

Please check out Melissa’s website and blog. You can subscribe to her weekly newsletter. You can also follow her on Twitter. 

Thank you for your words Melissa. I miss you!

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If you would like to be featured as a writer in the #WritersQuick5 series, please just reach out and let me know. I’d love to promote your work as well!

For updates on #WritersQuick5 and other info from me, please follow me on Twitter or check back with this blog for all the latest.