On Saturday, June 24, 2017 I attended the Chicago Writing Workshop. It was a whirlwind day of sessions and agent pitches. It was also my first big writing conference. I’ve attended learning seminars and networking hours and BookCon and all sorts of writing-related events, but never a straight up conference. I am very glad that I went. 

I’ve split up this review into four sections: Quick Observations, The Sessions, The Pitches, and Gratitude.

QUICK OBSERVATIONS

• I thought it was very well organized. My name tag was ready when I got there. They provided an agenda and it was clear what rooms to go to, and the rooms were all very close together. Everything started on time. I appreciated all of these things
• I was pleasantly surprised at the diversity of people in attendance. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it was great to see so many different people, especially so many different ages!
• I was also really soaking in how varied people were in their writing journey. Some were just starting to think about writing. Others had several books published already
• The wide range of types of writing will always be marvelous to me. Just listening to what people are writing about was fun in and of itself

THE SESSIONS
There were three sessions for each time slot. I thought there was a good variety of options to choose from. My day was broken up with four pitches, so there wasn’t a session I could attend in full. BUT, I did get to sit in on large chunks of them, and here’s what I observed / my general thoughts on the sessions. 

Session 1: A Bird’s Eye View of Publishing Books in the Year 2017

• I thought it was really fun to see Brian Klems speak. His face is all over the Writer’s Digest website so to see him in person was really fun
• I was expecting a little bit more about trends within the publishing industry (maybe that came when I wasn’t in the room) but was happy to hear his thoughts about agents v. editors and the process of getting published
• I also thought his breakdown of how an advance works was good information. I knew it already, but it was great to have someone verbally lay it out
• Overall, the session made me feel good because I knew a lot of what he was talking about. I’d done my research. I like feeling prepared
• It’s both heartening and disheartening to know that so many people get published, but also that it’s really hard and rare for it to happen. It’s an odd paradox that I’m still wrapping my brain around

Session 2: Everything You Need to Know about Literary Agents and Query Letters

• Chuck Sambuchino was leading this session, so it was great to hear from the person that had just reviewed my own query
• He had a very straight forward style that I liked. No nonsense. You could tell he’s been doing this for years and knows his stuff
• I really marveled at how easily he could turn a bad pitch into a good one. I’m sure he has these examples in his back pocket, but to hear them out loud was really helpful
• He gave some good tips on verbal pitches (which frankly I could have used earlier that day… more on that later) and said that you basically need to do a verbal version of your query. 
• He didn’t mention loglines at all, which makes me wonder when they are needed and when they aren’t

Session 3: “Writers Got Talent” - a Page 1 Critique Fest

• This was my favorite session of the day, and the most brutal. A panel of agents critiqued the first page of book manuscripts. For the brave souls that submitted their work, I commend you
• All of the feedback was spot on and all the agents came across as consummate experts. They looked for not only what was happening in the story, but where, how it was described, who it was happening to, etc.
• There didn’t seem to be a single page that they liked - I don’t think any of them would have passed onto the next stage
• However, they would occasionally call out a good passage, character trait or turn of phrase
• Some of the work I could discern wasn’t good, but some of it I was listening to and was like, okay, sure. And then the panel would point out the myriad of things that caught their eye and I would be like “oh yeah”
• This prompted me to go home and make some tweaks to my first page - tweaks that definitely make the first page better. Mission accomplished!

Session 4: Voice and Style in Your Fiction: 15 Tips on How to Write Like the Pros

• I only got to witness a small bit of this, but Brian Klems was back going through a list of things to keep in mind when writing. He wasn’t stuck to a podium anymore, so he seemed much more natural. Funny. His tips were basics about writing
• This session was the one that actually made me feel the most prepared. I didn’t feel like a novice as he was listing all the things to keep in mind. That felt great

THE PITCHES
Holy crap this was a nerve wracking experience!! I’m not going to get into too much detail, but here’s what I will share. 

• This was such an emotional roller coaster. The physical changes that happened to my body, nerves, adrenaline, etc. were really hard to keep in check. I had to pretend like this wasn’t a big deal. I had to pretend like there was nothing riding on how this went. VERY different than sending out email queries into the ether. 
• This was also well organized. They kept to the 10 minutes. While you waited, they had someone at the door to point out where to find the agent you were looking for. The same person did a two minute warning at the end of each pitch session and really kept things moving. Zero complaints about how this was set up or handled. 
• My first pitch wasn’t good. At all. I started off with why I wrote the book. She stopped me right away. Told me she didn’t care. She wanted to know what the book was about. 
• I took this approach because I read several websites that said this was the way to go. Obviously that was incorrect - and the idea that you are supposed to just verbally state your query was reiterated by Mr. Sambuchino
• During my debacled first pitch though, the agent was pretty stand up. She did her best to guide me with questions about my story and then she basically read it back to me in a format that sounded more like a pitch. Then she coached me on how to pitch. How awesome is that? She could have just said no and sent me on my way, but she gave me actual usable advice. I will be forever grateful
• I had a brief period of time between my first pitch and my second to get over my embarrassment, regroup, and try again. Thankfully, the advice worked. I went in with confidence and explained the where, who, why of the book. The ten minutes went by quickly, but I had enough time to bring out a visual aid for the symbols in my book. That went over well. She had a really positive response.  
• And then she asked for twenty pages
• Then the third agent said she definitely wanted to know more and (editor actually) asked for five chapters
• Then the fourth agent asked for fifty pages
• That’s three out of four! Woot! Woot! 
• The fourth agent also gave me some great advice that has been itching around in the back of my head but that I haven’t had the guts to do yet - to ditch my book’s prologue. She said it wasn’t needed and would take away from just starting the book. She said I could always use it later as a ‘deleted scene’ for readers. 
• I have since bit the bullet and removed the prologue from my work. She was right. It’s better this way. 
• She also told me I need to make sure readers know there are stakes to the game my book is about, as well as to the character. Loved that advice

So, yes, three out of four agents asked for pages. And I learned a lot from each. I soaked in everything they said, every question they asked, every clarification they requested, and realized that I need to make sure I know what the most important parts of my story are. The more high-concept the book is, the harder that is to nail down, but I’m getting better and better at it. 

I kept imagining that they must ask pages from everyone, but that’s probably not true. It’s just me trying to wrap my head around the idea that I actually got to follow-up with them. The validation of even a small amount of interest from professionals was to-the-moon-and-back cool. 

GRATITUDE
What made the day even better was that I wasn’t alone. Three additional things to be thankful for. 

First: I got to meet one of my #WritersQuick5 writers in person! Bibi Belford was there and we got to hug and chat. I loved getting to actually talk to her. So special. And, she was a rock star, bouncing back and forth between this event and the ALA event close by. 

Second: One of my dearest friends, Margaret, came to lend me moral support. She met me for lunch and then hung out the rest of the afternoon and we even rode the El back north together. To have her there, to hug, to process things with, to lean on for support, to enjoy the afternoon, to take a walk when I needed some fresh air, to pump me up, to just have a friendly face. I am so blessed and will be forever grateful. 

Third: I had a cadre of people that were texting me for updates throughout the day, including my husband and my daughter, my sister and sister-in-law, and several of my girlfriends. I felt wrapped in good will and so grateful that I could share my experience in real time. 

SUMMARY
I left the day excited and exhausted. I seriously crashed when I got home. But it was worth it. I had my first experiences of the verbal pitch. I got to be around other writers and I got to learn from some of the experts in the industry. And my query and my book are better for it. 

I spent all Sunday sending out my pages (no word yet). Whatever happens next, I’m glad I went and that I’m making progress.

If you are an author, new or otherwise, I highly recommend attending a Writing Workshop event.

​Welcome to week twenty-six of the #WritersQuick5 series - where we learn about writing from fellow writers.
 
This week it’s an honor to bring you insights from author, screenwriter, and poet, Dan Burns. Dan is a fellow Chicago Writers Association member and his fourth published book (third work of fiction) A Fine Line was released on June 6, 2017 by Chicago Arts Press. 

​Another highlight I want to mention is a short film that Dan wrote, Out of Touch. The film is absolutely worth watching and was named an “Official Selection” for the Chicago International REEL Shorts Film Festival and for the Los Angeles Lift-Off Film Festival. 

You can find information his books, screenplays, and MUCH more on his website. 
 
Let’s see what Dan has to say… 

Question #1 - Where do you write and why do you write there?
Every morning, I walk from my home to my office in downtown La Grange. I have this great, small office above a restaurant, like one of those private eye offices in old noir movies, that provides the quiet and secluded environment I need to be productive. When I'm at home, there are too many distractions and I have no self-discipline, so having a place to get away and get my work done is a necessity. In my office, I'm surrounded by my books and memories of my writing mentors and have no distractions. No phone. No Internet. Just writing. If you're interested, you can check out this short video of my office environment.

Question #2 - What is unique about writing for your particular genre?
For me, what is unique is that I'm not locked into a particular genre. I love the boundless flexibility of being able to write in a variety of forms and genres. My first novel was a contemporary family drama. My second book was a collection of short fiction that really pushed the boundaries of genre. My newest novel is a Chicago mystery. My hope is that every story I write pushes me out of my comfort zone to try and explore something different. Writing a mystery novel was my most challenging project to date. Research was a necessity to make the story believable, and I spent an extensive amount of time understanding Chicago politics and police procedure. My protagonist, Sebastian Drake is an expert marksman, and I had to spend dozens of hours at the gun range, shooting his gun, to fully understand what was possible. Plot also played a big role in my mystery novel, more so than my other stories. Nothing can be left out and every question must be answered. The writing process was quite fun and extremely challenging at the same time.

Question #3 - What are some of your grammar or punctuation pet peeves?
What drives me nuts are all the grammar and punctuation errors that I'm guilty of, and my first drafts are laced with them. The editing process is critical to get my story ready to publish, and I'm fortunate to have a number of editors and trusted readers who allow me to get the story down onto the page and then help me to make it perfect. I find that I just get too close to my work, so close that I can't see the errors. I can edit and revise a story a dozen times, and then my editors and readers help me to realize that I'm not a very good editor. But I'm learning. I find that the editing process is the most important step in helping me to become a better writer.

I find that I'll often get stuck on a word, maybe like it too much, and then use it too often throughout a story. I have to cut the repeat offenders. Adverbs also seem to come easily (you see!) as I'm writing, and I have to go back through and search for all the "ly" words and cut them all. Adverbs seldom add value to the sentence. I don't think much of the word "got" and try to eliminate it from my writing. For dialogue attribution, I use "said" and "asked," nothing else, and I try not to use them only when necessary to maintain flow and understanding.  Contractions and hyphenated words also seem to find their way into my stories, and I have to go back and review each one to make sure they're correct and appropriate. Spelling is a killer for the reader's flow of the story, so spell-check and people-check are critical steps. The most valuable aspect of the editing process for a book is the Advance Reading Copy. After I revise a manuscript a dozen times and go through several iterations of developmental editing and copyediting, it's important to print the book and get it into the hands of my trusted readers. They are the ones who let me know if it's ready to officially go out into the world.

Question #4 - At what point in your writing process do you start to bring other people in to review your work?
​I bring people into the process when the story is finished. Often, there are so many potential roadblocks for completing the story, that I have to focus on that single goal. For me, "finished" is flushing out an idea fully and getting the words out of my head and the story down onto the page. Afterward, I let the story sit for a month before going through and revising to the best of my ability. Then it's time for a fresh look from different eyes and perspectives, from people I trust to tell me honestly about how to improve the story.
 
Question #5 - What advice would you give to a new writer about the writing process?
Sit down and write, as often and as much as you can. Many people talk about being a writer, but only by actually getting the words down onto the page can you actually be a writer. Read books by authors who you admire and who have been successful writing the stories you want to write. Develop your idea, write your story, and don't stop until you're finished. Don't edit or revise until the story is written, for those activities can develop into insurmountable distractions and roadblocks. Better to have a completed story that you can improve than to have an idea that you never fully act upon that fades away. And keep a journal of all your ideas. If I don't write down my ideas, they tend to vanish, never to return again, and that's a darn shame.
 
Thank you Dan for these incredible answers. I also keep a journal of story ideas! I also love the advice, “Develop your idea, write your story, and don't stop until you're finished. Don't edit or revise until the story is written, for those activities can develop into insurmountable distractions and roadblocks.” I’m guilty of this all the time, pouring over a passage over and over again when I should move on. Very good to keep in mind!
 
Please learn more about Dan and his books and works on his website. More importantly, go out and buy his new book A Fine Line. I have my copy! You can also follow him on Facebook, on Twitter, or you can subscribe to his YouTube channel. 
 
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If you would like to be featured as a writer in the #WritersQuick5 series, please just reach out and let me know. I’d love to promote your work as well!

For updates on #WritersQuick5 and other info from me, please follow me on Twitter or check back with this blog for all the latest.

Well guys, it’s been an interesting week. I’m headed to the Chicago Writing Workshop tomorrow. I’m super excited and nervous about it. There are a lot of great workshops to attend and I’m going to meet three agents and one editor in person. I’ve never done a 1:1 book pitch before, so I’m trying to psych myself up for four in one day. My beautiful friend Margaret is going to be downtown for moral support, which will help so much. 
 
In prep for this event, I paid to have my query letter critiqued by Chuck Sambuchino, a very well-respected writer and editor. I got his feedback on Thursday. It was thorough, spot on, and… a little heartbreaking. My query just wasn’t up to standard. I still cringe at thinking about how many agents I sent it to before getting his feedback. So, in my free time since, I’ve taken his advice and have re-written it. I wanted to make sure that I had confidence in it going into tomorrow, and that I have it ready in my ‘back pocket’ in the hopes that someone will ask for a follow-up. I also just needed to do it so that I wasn’t drowning in self-doubt. It still may need further tweaking, but the draft I have today is significantly better than the one I was using - so thanks Chuck!
 
I also got feedback from Laura, my trusted go-to on all things writing, and my aforementioned friend Margaret. They were in alignment with Chuck, so now I feel like I’m on the right track. Funny thing is, I did have some folks look at the first letter, but I think just not in the right way. It’s crazy, interesting, flabbergasting how much context can change the feedback you get. 
 
I also participated in my first Twitter pitch on Wednesday. Boiling down my book into less than 140 characters was no small feat. But, I did it, and it was a good thought exercise. I actually wish I would’ve gotten the feedback from Chuck before the Twitter pitch, because the logline I now have would make a good tweet. But, I’m sure there will be future Twitter pitches too. It was interesting though… the agency that was hosting the pitch reported back that they received over 3,500 tweets! My goodness!
 
As I looked at the tweets throughout the day and saw which ones the agents liked (that was how you knew they wanted your query, they liked your tweet) I quickly realized they weren’t going for my style of book. So I didn’t feel too bad they didn’t bite. But, it was fun to read other people’s ideas. Some of the tweets were so well-crafted, it seemed incredible to me that they didn’t get liked. Others were like someone picked up a phone and just jibber jabbered on it. I hope I was somewhere in between. What I can say is that I didn’t love the constant checking of my phone to see if my tweet got liked. Bleh. 
 
I’ve also been coming up on a busier work schedule, leading for less time to write. I posted both a new #WritersQuick5 and a new channillo.com chapter of Amache’s America this week, but I haven’t worked on The Samurai Prophecy in days. I figured this would happen… that as my new job got more involved, my writing time would go down… but then I also have to remember how much I’ve poured myself into these other things, like my new query letter, and realize I am still writing. Writing every day. 
 
Sometimes I have a crisis of confidence… that maybe this won’t happen for me… that it’s too crowded of a playing field… that I don’t have the right book for the right time… but then I take a deep breath. And remember I’m playing a long game. And hug my husband and kid. And remember that even if this doesn’t happen for me the way I thought it would, I’m still a writer with a damn good book, and I’ll figure it out as I go. 
 
For now, I’m excited for the conference tomorrow. I’ll write a follow-up about my experience. Wish me luck!

Welcome to week twenty-five of the #WritersQuick5 series - where we learn about writing from fellow writers.
 
This week brings you answers from author and channillo.com writer Lucas C. Wheeler. Lucas’s first book, Star Dog Legacy, was published on Amazon and in KU and the second book in the trilogy, Star Dog Corruption just posted in May. The third book in the series, Star Dog Liberation is coming soon.  

Lucas also writes a Star Dog spin-off series called Star Dog: Earth’s Last Shield that posts a new chapter every Tuesday on Channillo. All of the proceeds from his Channillo stories are set up to go to the Humane Society via the Channillo for Charity program.
 
Let’s see what Lucas has to say...

Question #1 - Where do you write and why do you write there?
Physically? Since my husband's giant fan has taken over my desk, I write either on the couch with my laptop on the coffee table, or I write in the de facto gaming room which is always either freezing, or a heat box. Neither are comfortable, but that's what's available to me. When NaNo rolls around, or whenever the adventurous mood strikes us, we go to a local coffee shop to write with our group or alone.

I also either outline, write quick scenes as they come to me, or jot down notes while I'm out and about, either in a notebook I designate for that sort of thing, or in a memo app on my phone.

In terms of writing software, I use Novel Factory software, which I wrote a review for on my website and Tumblr, and I pair it with 4thewords.com, a website that gamifies writing. It appeals to the nerd side of me, which, if I'm honest, is more than a side. It's pretty much both sides. Maybe even three sides. Those two digital places are where the bulk of my creative process happens and after that I edit and format in Word before publishing.

Question #2 - What is unique about writing for your particular genre?
I haven't written in many other genres to compare, but from my experiences I'd say is that I get to focus on world-building perhaps more than other genres. Speculative fiction as a whole lends to having to make your own worlds and the rules in which all the characters play. If we didn't have that aspect of it, I think we'd all just be writing in other genres that fit our sub-elements. Our diversity lies in our settings and the species of our characters and their made up cultures and, at least for me, the scientific principles that we play with and imagine under different circumstances.

Question #3 - What are some of your grammar or punctuation pet peeves?
My husband says I use commas too much, and there may be some truth to that. As for personal pet peeves, it's the little things that trip me up, mostly because I haven't seen a lot of (consistent) examples for what I want to convey in my work, whether my characters are stuttering or interrupting each other, or even interrupting themselves, and how I'm supposed to make that look on the page. 

Do I still use punctuation, or just a line? Where does the comma go? Why does it look weird next to the quotation mark? Why can't my computer get that clean, long dash line I've seen in books? These things have never broken a novel for me, but it is a pet peeve when I have to deal with it until it looks good in whatever scene I'm writing.

Question #4 - At what point in your writing process do you start to bring other people in to review your work?
It varies by work. For the four years it took to write Star Dog Legacy, I couldn't get anyone to review it, at least beyond the first chapter or so. I was insecure about my writing and just wanted to see if it had a shot, but most everyone that promised to read it didn't follow through. I joined critique sites and jumped through a lot of hoops for very little reward. I think I even critiqued others' works more than I ever got in return. I eventually got tired of waiting. I wanted to be finished and move on. 

In the end, the only people that read it all the way through (after it was all done, which was a condition) was my mother (not really a reader) and my husband (who is also a writer). Then I published. If I had more resources, I would have paid for beta readers and editing, but that's just not a possibility for me right now. For others who have read it after I published, I heard only good things.

In conclusion for my main novels that get published to Amazon, the only review they get as of right now is when they're halfway done, and then all finished, if I'm lucky enough to get that.

For my Channillo series, my work comes out too quickly to have someone review it, so it goes up as-is. The same goes for any flash fiction I post on my website. I tend to write clean though, and I always edit everything myself, and I always read my notes and outlines to make sure I didn't miss anything and everything's on track. I intend to do more formal editing later for when I bundle shorter works for Amazon publication.

This process might change in the future though as I gain more resources and followers and adapt my processes. I'm open to starting an ARC Reader program and seeking more beta readers in the future, and some things will be available on my Patreon early, but everything is time sensitive. Creating new content is my main goal, and I have so many books in the pipeline I have to write, and sometimes I can't wait for someone to review it.
​
Question #5 - What advice would you give to a new writer about the writing process?
Write. Every. Single. Day. Even if it's a journal entry or an observation. Then, once you get an idea for a project, just do it. You can't wait for a muse, as it is popularized on TV or in movies. You have to sit down and make it happen, and it won't always be easy. Do some outlines, make some goals (daily word count goals, scene goals, chapter goals, or whatever else), and then stick to them, at least about 80% of what you promised yourself. If you have a story to tell, get it out there however you can. If you love writing and it's your passion, then that's all that matters. 

Most importantly, don't languish for years like me and worry about every little thing. I became much happier when I finally decided I didn't need a golden stamp of approval. It was my first book, and it's not perfect, but it's far from my last. I mentally got rid of my internal perfectionist, at least long enough to hit the publish button. No matter how much you edit and prepare (which you should do a reasonable amount anyways because you do care about quality in the first place), you're eventually going to have to wrap it up and say goodbye. Then you work on the next book, and it'll be easier, and you'll be better.
 
Thank you Lucas for the time you took in preparing these answers. I agree, “If you have a story to tell, get it out there however you can. If you love writing and it's your passion, then that's all that matters.” Great advice!
 
If you want to learn more about Lucas, check out his website. Everything he posts there gets pushed to his Twitter feed. He also has a Tumblr feed to follow. And, of course, check him out on Amazon and on Channillo.com.  

***
If you would like to be featured as a writer in the #WritersQuick5 series, please just reach out and let me know. I’d love to promote your work as well!

For updates on #WritersQuick5 and other info from me, please follow me on Twitter or check back with this blog for all the latest.

Welcome to week twenty-four of the #WritersQuick5 series - where we learn about writing from fellow writers.
 
This week I am thrilled to bring you insights from fellow Chicago Writers Association member Danielle E. Shipley. Danielle is a prolific author, with a focus on YA fantasy novels/novellas that put a new spin on old fairytales and folklore. She is the author of the Wilderhark novellas and the novel Inspired. Her latest release: Book 2 of the Outlaws of Avalon trilogy -- a contemporary fantasy take on the legend of Robin Hood -- is now out! 
 
Danielle’s books are self-published and available on her website and on Amazon, and several of her short stories have appeared in small press anthologies. She has spent most of her life in the Chicago area and increasing amounts of time in Germany. She hopes to ultimately retire to a private immortal forest but first, as she puts it, “there are stories to make.”
 
Let’s see what Danielle has to say… 

Question #1 - Where do you write and why do you write there?
Hunched over on my bed, because it’s where I’m least likely to be disturbed by a parent or my toddler nephew or (horrors!) unexpected visitors. I work best when I can feel semi-secure in my solitude.

Question #2 - What is unique about writing for your particular genre?
The beauty of fantasy is: Anything goes! A handful of medieval heroes, low-key living in a modern-day Renaissance Faire? Valid. Witches with anarchist tendencies, bespelling royalty into animals, statuary, and the occasional singing harp? Par for the course. I like being able to leave realism at the door and just go wherever a story wants to take me, no matter how impossible.

Question #3 - What are some of your grammar or punctuation pet peeves?
Ugh, so many. I’m a diehard nitpick. But what gets me the worst is (cue visual example!) “Dialogue that looks like this.” She said. That full stop at quote’s end where a comma should be hurts my feelings; ditto the wrongful capitalization of ‘she.’ I don’t understand why this kind of mistake is so rampant, but I would pay money to see it die forever.

Question #4 - At what point in your writing process do you start to bring other people in to review your work?
​Once I’ve got a finished first draft, I’ll read it aloud to my BFF, fellow author Tirzah Duncan – partly just because I’m itching to share what I’ve been working on, but also because if there’s stuff that needs clarifying, expanding, or some other kind of rework, I prefer to learn of that sooner rather than later. Yeah, the critique will probably make me cranky (sorry, Tirzah!), but I can’t fix what I’m unaware is broken.

Question #5 - What advice would you give to a new writer about the writing process?
Just now while scrolling on Twitter, I saw somebody say, “Don’t worry about making good art, make art that’s good for you.” And y’know what? That is great advice for the newbies. Getting good at writing will come with practice, practice, practice. So get your practice in with whatever it gives you joy to write. Feed your soul, lest you faint from hunger on the long, bumpy road toward your goals.
 
Thank you Danielle for these incredible answers. I will never forget the advice, “Feed your soul, lest you faint from hunger on the long, bumpy road toward your goals.” What an amazing way to put it and so true. I need that on a t-shirt or a poster, something where I can look at it every day and remember how true that is!
 
For more from Danielle, please check out her website, buy her books, and follow her on Facebook and on Twitter. 

***
If you would like to be featured as a writer in the #WritersQuick5 series, please just reach out and let me know. I’d love to promote your work as well!

For updates on #WritersQuick5 and other info from me, please follow me on Twitter or check back with this blog for all the latest.

She opened and closed her hand, watching as it blossomed and shut, willing herself to feel anything. A glimmer. A tickle. A spark of sensation. She could make her hand move, but she had no connection to it, a phantom limb disassociated from everything it once was. The doctors told her the feeling would come back, that it was encouraging she could even move her wrist let alone her fingers, but her hand no longer felt like it was her own. It might as well have been truly gone, for what is a hand if you can’t feel even the smallest touch? She imagined placing her fingers over an open flame and watching as they melted away, or laying her arm across train tracks and letting the large steel wheels of an oncoming El ram right over it. Would she feel it then? Would it feel any more a part of her than it was now?

She laid back in the hospital bed and closed her eyes, retreating to the only image that ever brought her a sense of calm. She envisioned the large stained glass dome at the Chicago Cultural Center. Not the Tiffany Dome on the third floor, although that was beautiful too. No, she loved the Healy and Millet dome. The ‘other’ one. She always appreciated anything that was ‘other.’  

She took a deep breath and felt a slight twinge of pain in her ribs as she tried to fill her lungs, her mind floating upwards towards the center of the curved masterpiece. The shades of gold, red and purple, fused behind her eyes, intricately connecting into a visage of backlit pageantry. She pictured a single piece of glass, that when isolated would most likely be mistaken for a broken shard worth discarding, combining with the other crystalized outcasts to create pure majesty.

Most saw flowers in the glass, a pedestrian view with no vision. The dome meant more to her than flowers. Some days the panels were bright, creating a moving, unbreakable labyrinth. Other days the panels were gloomy, shields lined up ready for battle. On her worst days, she had the impulse to shatter the glass and let it cascade around her like Skittles made of knives. On her best days, she imagined the ceiling was part of another world entirely, a window into the multi-verse, a portal into the unknown.

She went there whenever she could. To just stand and look up. Once she had tried to lay down on the floor, to allow herself to fully retreat into the worlds the dome evoked for her, but inevitably she was asked to get up and she complied, for her anarchist tendencies were only in the recesses of her brain and were not actually a part of her personality.

As she thought of the dome, tracing the lines from the center out, weaving her way past the trapezoid inner panels, around the smaller rectangles of the middle ring, and into the large panels that made up the majority of the ceiling, her meditation was interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

As he took a seat next to her, she kept her eyes closed. She could pretend to sleep, if only for a moment. She imagined that he took her hand and was holding it, indescribably frustrated that she couldn’t know for sure. It was curiosity that opened her eyes. To look at her dead hand and see if he was actually comforting her or not. Because although she was telling her hand to grip back, without seeing it, she had no idea if she was returning his embrace or simply making an aggressive gesture in the air.

As she opened her eyes, he was there, looking down, his black hair falling in front of his face, masking his crystal blue eyes. She looked at her hand. He was holding it and she was holding his back. But she couldn’t feel a thing.

“You didn’t have to come,” her voice croaked. It was the first time she had spoken in hours. He reached over, refilled her water cup, and brought the straw to her mouth. She took a sip.

“Of course I had to come,” he answered. “Rebecca, I will always come.”

He looked straight into her eyes now. Although he meant his words to sound confident, his eyes gave away his sadness, his hesitation. She knew Alfonso better than he knew himself, better than anyone. And he knew her in return. She was surprised nearly every day that he didn’t run away screaming from her, saving himself from her neuroses.

“How is Mike doing?” she asked. Everything would ride on his answer to her question. She would know whether she could re-enter her life or would have to find a new one based on what he said. She held her breath as she waited for his response.

​He stood up from the chair and walked towards the window. It looked out into an alley, but the way he stared, one could have imagined he was looking at the waves oscillating along the beach or a faraway sunset. He took a deep breath in and turned back towards her.

“He’s doing the best that he can. He crashing on his sister’s couch. He didn’t want to go back to your place. He said he couldn’t handle seeing all your things,” he paused.
 “He’s not mad that it’s over. But he doesn’t want to talk to you, not yet.”

Rebecca took a deep breath in.  “Did you tell him? Does he know?”

Alfonso returned and reclaimed the chair at her bedside. He leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. Reflexively, Rebecca looked up too. Nothing but row upon row of PVC tiles. “Yes, he knows,” he answered as they locked eyes. “He knows you’re pregnant.”

Rebecca started crying. Tears of relief. Tears of agony. Tears of uncertainty. Alfonso let her sob and handed her a Kleenex. She took it in her other hand, the hand that could still feel the world around her, not realizing until the sobs stopped that Alfonso was again holding her semi-dead one.

As she regained her composure, she took a few small breaths and then quietly, almost imperceptibly asked, “Do you know all of it?”

Alfonso stood up again and ran his fingers through his hair. She had involved him in every part of her life, every moment of her childhood, adolescence and adulthood. They had never been a couple, choosing friendship over romance. Then, without warning, a few months ago, she realized it should’ve been Alfonso all along. Only she wasn’t brave enough to tell him.  Instead she inexplicably jumped him one night and to her surprise he didn’t protest. When she found out she was pregnant she knew it was his.

She couldn’t bring herself to tell anyone, pushed everyone away, isolated herself, and eventually decided she didn’t want to keep the baby. To her it became a symbol of every errant decision she had ever made, proof she had wronged both Alfonso and Mike.

But when the moment came, she couldn’t go through with an abortion. She wanted to keep her child, Alfonso’s child, to build on the love that had always been there. After weeks of no contact, she called him to pick her up from the clinic, and of course he said he would come. While she waited for him to arrive, she resolved to let him know that she loved him and that they were going to have a baby and that she chose him. She was so determined to make it right, she didn’t see the taxi barreling around the corner as she crossed the street to meet him. She didn’t realize until she was flying through the air that she didn’t have a chance to explain. She didn’t know if the baby was okay or not until she woke up from the ten hour surgery needed to keep her arm. Her dead arm that worked but did not feel.

“I know it’s mine,” he answered softly.

She sat up as best she could and put her good arm and her dead arm over her abdomen, hugging their unborn child. She closed her eyes and let her mind float up to her favorite giant dome, sending a silent prayer of gratitude to the angels on the other side of her personal stained glass portal.

“I love you,” she said as she looked at him. He appeared stunned as he heard the words but when his eyes lit up with a smile, she reached up towards him with both arms. As he took her hands, her relief and love was so great, she barely noticed that she could feel the warmth from his fingers in both her palms. That what was dead inside her was slowly coming back to life.

Welcome to week twenty three of the #WritersQuick5 series - where we learn about writing from fellow writers.
 
I am so pleased to bring you the work and responses of Joyce Burns Zeiss. Joyce is a fellow Chicago Writers Association member and the author of Out of the Dragon’s Mouth, a young adult fiction novel about a fourteen year old girl who escapes Vietnam in the hold of a fishing trawler after the fall of Saigon. Published in 2015, this novel was a passion project for Joyce and is fueled by her experiences resettling a Chinese Cambodian refugee family in 1979 and her subsequent trips to work in refugee camps in Africa. All of the royalties from her book are donated to Refugee Relief. 

Let’s see what Joyce has to say… 

Question #1 - Where do you write and why do you write there?
I write on a laptop in my living room, a bright sunny place, sitting in a maroon colored easy chair. I tried writing upstairs at a desk, but this is much more comfortable and I can sit here for longer periods of time. Without children in the house anymore, this spot has become much more private so fewer interruptions except for my husband who will often sit and work on his computer too.

Question #2 - What is unique about writing for your particular genre?
Historical fiction demands research so I spend a lot of time reading about the period and fact-checking. And writing for young adults requires a certain pacing that keeps the younger reader interested. Unlike literary fiction, I try not to dwell in my character's minds too long or describe a lot. But no matter what the genre, good writing is essential.

Question #3 - What are some of your grammar or punctuation pet peeves?
As a former English teacher, I have many pet peeves, but the biggest is using its and it's incorrectly. When I see this on a large sign outside a store, I want to sneak back at night and correct it. 

Question #4 - At what point in your writing process do you start to bring other people in to review your work?
​I am in a couple of critique groups so my writing is reviewed as I go. When I wrote my first novel, I didn't really know what I was doing, so being in a novel group where we studied writers and critiqued each other's writing with the guidance of a professional moderator was very helpful. Now I am writing the sequel to Out of the Dragon's Mouth, and I find it very helpful to be critiqued every couple of chapters even though the temptation is to polish rather than plunge ahead and get the novel done. Maybe that's why it takes me so long.

Question #5 - What advice would you give to a new writer about the writing process?
The first thing I had to develop was a thick skin. I was terrified to have my writing read aloud and critiqued. I'm way over that now. The most important advice I would give a new writer is to join a writing community. Writing is a lonely occupation and you will find great support and help from other writers. I would not have written my novel or sold my book if I hadn't had those contacts. And writers are very nice people. We all know how difficult it can be to write.
 
Joyce, thank you for these lovely answers. When you said, “Writing is a lonely occupation and you will find great support and help from other writers,” that really resonated with me. It has been so important for me to collaborate with fellow writers throughout my writing processes as well. 
 
Please check out Joyce’s website and buy her book. Thank you Joyce for all that you do!

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